HM: Hi Mum!
Mum: Hi Huffle.
HM: What is your real name? Is it something other than “mum”?
Mum: My name is Tracey… but you can call me mum.
HM: What do you do all day when I’m left home alone?
Mum: Dad and I go to work so we can afford your stinky cat food and all those mouses you love playing with.
HM: Hmmm… where is this “work”? Can I come too?
Mum: I work for the Victorian Government – if I worked at Google I’d take you to work but you’ll just have to stay home for now.
HM: What about dad? Does he go to this “work” with you?
Mum: Well, we travel together but he works in a different place.
HM: Can I go there with him?
Mum: You’ll have to ask him! But remember you don’t like travelling in the car.
HM: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Why is Salvador so mean to me?
Mum: He’s old and grumpy. And he has dementia. He’s nearly 16 now so I think he finds your 7-year-old energy levels a bit much. Just stay out of his way and he’ll leave you alone.
HM: Why don’t I get more new mouses?
Mum: You don’t play with all the ones you do have! How many more do you want?
HM: That’s beside the point. I should get new toys all the time. Other cats do *sniff*.
Mum: Which other cats?
HM: Never mind. So what do you and dad do for fun?
Mum: We don’t have time for fun – we have to keep you and Salvador in food and mouses. We like to go out for dinner to nice places, and we like going on holidays.
HM: What’s that all about? You keep going away and leaving me here!
Mum: But we don’t leave you alone – your aunt comes to look after you. And I’ll bet she feeds you more than dad does.
HM: Well... that's not important right now. Are you going to get me a puppy to play with soon?
Mum: Probably not for a few years. We don't have the room. And I don't think you'd like to share with a puppy. You might lose a bit of space on our bed. Which reminds me, I have a question for you!
HM: Really? But this is me interviewing you.
Mum: It's just a short one. How does one small black cat take up so much space on a king sized bed?
HM: It's a gift.
So there you go! One day I will try and interview dad but he's a bit shy.