Interview with my mum

HM: Hi Mum!

Mum: Hi Huffle.

HM: What is your real name? Is it something other than “mum”?

Mum: My name is Tracey… but you can call me mum.

HM: What do you do all day when I’m left home alone?

Mum: Dad and I go to work so we can afford your stinky cat food and all those mouses you love playing with.

HM: Hmmm… where is this “work”? Can I come too?

Mum: I work for the Victorian Government – if I worked at Google I’d take you to work but you’ll just have to stay home for now.

HM: What about dad? Does he go to this “work” with you?

Mum: Well, we travel together but he works in a different place.

HM: Can I go there with him?

Mum: You’ll have to ask him! But remember you don’t like travelling in the car.

HM: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Why is Salvador so mean to me?

Mum: He’s old and grumpy. And he has dementia. He’s nearly 16 now so I think he finds your 7-year-old energy levels a bit much. Just stay out of his way and he’ll leave you alone.

HM: Why don’t I get more new mouses?

Mum: You don’t play with all the ones you do have! How many more do you want?

HM: That’s beside the point. I should get new toys all the time. Other cats do *sniff*.

Mum: Which other cats?

HM: Never mind. So what do you and dad do for fun?

Mum: We don’t have time for fun – we have to keep you and Salvador in food and mouses. We like to go out for dinner to nice places, and we like going on holidays.

HM: What’s that all about? You keep going away and leaving me here!

Mum: But we don’t leave you alone – your aunt comes to look after you. And I’ll bet she feeds you more than dad does.

HM: Well... that's not important right now. Are you going to get me a puppy to play with soon?

Mum: Probably not for a few years. We don't have the room. And I don't think you'd like to share with a puppy. You might lose a bit of space on our bed. Which reminds me, I have a question for you!

HM: Really? But this is me interviewing you.

Mum: It's just a short one. How does one small black cat take up so much space on a king sized bed?

HM: It's a gift.

So there you go! One day I will try and interview dad but he's a bit shy.