Monday, August 18, 2008

The Laws of Physics for Cats

  1. Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate until the cat gets good and ready to stop.
  2. Aerodynamics: If it flies, a cat will chase it.
  3. Bag or Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
  4. Dinner Table Attendance: A cat will attend all meals when anything good is served.
  5. Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest the cat.
  6. Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
  7. Elongation: A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
  8. Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to the cat's embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
  9. Energy Conservation - 1st Law: A cat knows that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.
  10. Energy Conservation- 2nd Law: A cat knows that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
  11. Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace its own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
  12. Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
  13. Gravity: The cat knows that gravity works, even when sound asleep.
  14. Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse.
  15. Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
  16. Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
  17. Milk Consumption: A cat will drink its weight in milk, squared, just to show you that the cat can do it.
  18. Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
  19. Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in direct proportion to a human's desire for the cat to do something.
  20. Obstruction: A cat will lay on the floor in such a position as to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
  21. Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
  22. Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek (and usually take over) the most comfortable spot in any given room.
  23. Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
  24. Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
  25. Sleeping: A cat will sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible, while maintaining the cat's own comfort.
  26. Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
  27. Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
  28. Total Composition: A cat is composed of Matter plus Anti-Matter plus It Doesn't Matter!
  29. Selective Listening: A cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, but cannot hear a simple command three feet away.
  30. Invisibility: A cat thinks if they cannot see you, then you cannot see them.


NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...

You are certainly more gifted than your REGULAR khat (LB) -

I doubt he even knows most of these words!

Happy Monday to woo!


(angel) Grrreta and Fam said...

Very funny...and true. My favorite is the rug configuration. We have a small rug that we all love rolling up in. Mommy calls us kitty burritos.

The Army of Four said...

Hmm... I think a lot of those are true for Sibes, too - no wonder you're an honorary husky! AND my best friend!
Play bows,

Princess Eva and Brice said...

That is quite a list. Since we have khat feet, do the rules apply to us?

Princess Eva

Shmoo said...

If you remove the word "cat" and replace it with "husky" it still matches, which is probably why you are an honorary husky.


♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

Well, most of these apply to all of mine, but #1 is Thunder, #4 is Dakota, and #21 is Phantom

Made for some interesting reading.

Woo, the OP Pack

Randi Lyn said...

Wow! There's a law for almost every letter of the alphabet. And like others have said, most of these laws apply to huskies!! You are one smart kitty!

Wooooo woo rar rar rar,
Kayla and Maebe

My Two Best Friends said...

Meow Huffle

Come over to our blog - we gave you an award!

Thor, Marco Polo, Mama, MrSippi(hearts) and Carolina

Nomi said...

Yup, I haf to agree wif all of those probably cos I have mastered many of them.

Mr. Hendrix said...

truer words were never spoken. this is very funny! did you notice most of these laws are designed to drive our humans crazy?? like "disinterest" and "furniture replacement"

Max said...

Hahahahaha! These are very good!

Anonymous said...

Our favorite is the last - we love Invisibility!

Mickey's Musings said...

I like reading those types of things! Hahahaha
Purrs Mickey

Anonymous said...

That was wonderful!
So many laws apply directly to us.
Finally a list of rules for the humans!

Anonymous said...

I would agree!

Steve, Kat, & Wilbur said...

My mom really likes all those!!